I know that in raising our children, the final goal is for them to be kind, contributing, functioning members of society.
Our goal is for them to fly high above the nest, leaving us behind.
We want them to soar higher than we ever could.
We want them to travel further, leaving our nest empty with only the memories of childhood behind.
But I’m not ready yet.
I can’t help but feel like these 5 years have gone by far too quickly and I cannot seem to wrap my head around this first step of letting you go.
Of watching you board the big yellow bus with a massive backpack on your small frame.
Of having you be gone all day, with no way to know if you are okay.
Are you making friends?
Will you get lost?
Do you like your teacher?
Does she know that sometimes you really need a hug to ease your anxiety?
Can they understand you even though you swap your “R’s” for “W’s”?
Do they see the worry in your eyes if a friend is upset?
Do they see how you fidget with your hands when you are anxious?
Do they know just how much you want to please everyone around you? How being a perfectionist makes you so anxious to fail, that sometimes you want to quit before trying?
Are you ready to test your wings as you become a little less mine and a little more a citizen of the world?
The questions swirl in my head, as I ease your anxiety I am overcome with my own. Are you truly ready? Did we prepare you for everything you will face now that we aren’t there to shield you from the harshness of the world around you?
I know Kindergarten is just one step. One very small step.
I know that we will have more first days of school. More milestones. A lifetime of memories to savor.
But this one feels big.
I watch you as your eyes flutter to sleep and you rest your head on my chest. I know you need that closeness to sleep. I know that you need my voice, singing your favorite lullaby, to drift off. I know that you need snuggles during the day to help you regulate.
I am your safe space.
I am grateful these last 5 years were spent mostly home with you. Am I ready to hand those precious hours, minutes…seconds over? Are you ready for those precious years to be behind us? Are we ready to only catch glimpses of our times together on school breaks and weekends?
When I put my own feelings aside, I know you are ready. You are ready to take the first step in the journey of finding your place in the world.
You are a little less mine.
As you soar high above to reach your dreams, never forget your nest is waiting. We are watching, praying, hoping and cheering you on.
You soar high my sweet girl, just remember we are always here to catch you.
